HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY... HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY...

ON THESE DAYS! June 4 On this day in 1961, the first 13 Freedom Riders begin their bus trip through the American South, in an effort to end segregation of the public transportation system. After training in non-violent civil disobedience techniques, black and white volunteers sit next to each other as they travel by bus through the Deep South. In Anniston, Alabama, one bus is destroyed, and riders on another are attacked by men armed with clubs, bricks, iron pipes and knives. In response to these acts of violence, Attorney General Robert Kennedy sends DOJ official John Seigenthaler to accompany the Freedom Riders. In Birmingham, the passengers are greeted by the Ku Klux Klan, and further acts of violence. At Montgomery, the state capital, a white mob beats the riders with chains and ax handles. When local authorities make it clear that they will make no effort to protect the Riders, President John F. Kennedy sends federal marshals from the North to do the job. Despite the escalating violence, over a thousand volunteers take part in Freedom Rides during the ensuing months. Also on this day, in 1970, "four dead in Ohio." On this day in 1989, Chinese military troops and tanks storm through Beijing's Tiananmen Square which, unfortunately for them, just happened to be chock full with nearly a million pro-democracy protesters at the time. At the time, Western witnesses estimated between 300 and a thousand protesters had been killed - either shot by soldiers or trampled in a mad dash to avoid getting shot - and nearly 10,000 were arrested for taking part in the protests. Now, all anybody remembers of this event is that Reebok ad - or was it United Colors? - with that guy in front of that tank.

THEY SAID IT! "Spin is far too mild a word for what the Bush administration does, all the time. Suggestions that the public was manipulated into supporting an Iraq war gain credibility from the fact that misrepresentation and deception are standard operating procedure for this administration, which — to an extent never before seen in U.S. history — systematically and brazenly distorts the facts. ... It's long past time for this administration to be held accountable." - Paul Krugman's op/ed pieces should be part of every citizen's information diet. Have you had your Krugman today? If not, just click here! (Login: yeroldpaljerky / Password: Jerky) *** *** *** "I'm not reading this. This is bullshit." - Guess who said this, then guess when he said it. Un-fucking-believable.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by our old pal Goosey... Martha and Edna, two widows, are talking. Martha says "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna replied, "Well... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 PM. And dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a beautiful car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... marvelous dinner - lobster. Then we go see a show... let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!" Martha exclaimed, "Goodness gracious! ...so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna answers "No... I'm just saying, wear an old dress." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal DeltaDog for sending in today's second joke. St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?" "Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?" "Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven." "Sounds easy enough. OK." So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. He peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?" The old man replied, "I was a carpenter." Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked. "Yes, I had a son, but I lost him." Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?" "Well, he was a man, but he was more than a man. He also had holes in his hands and feet." Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?" The old man looked up and said: "Pinocchio?!" WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Reader Al has managed to mangle a classic, as you can see here in today's worst joke. It's still pretty funny, though. An old couple were driving down a country road, henry, sees a sign…cow for sale $5,000. dollars. Martha, he says, there`s no damn way any cow is worth $5,000 dollars. So he turns around, i`ve got to talk to this farmer. Mister, he says, there`s no goddamn way any cow is worth $5,000 dollars. This one is, replys the farmer. What`s so goddamn special about this cow, henry asks. The farmer lifts up the cows tail, and there it is, a pussy just like a womans. So henry gets back in the car, driving down the road. It just ain`t fair, it just ain`t fair, he`s saying. What ain`t fair honey, martha asks. Well here`s a man with a cow that’s got a pussy just like a woman, Worth $5,000 dollars, and here you are, you got a cunt like a cow, not worth a fuckin nickle

ASK JERKY! Relationship troubles? Philosophical quandaries? Nagging doubts about your spouse? Jerky knows the answer! Send your letter to the feedback address at the bottom of the page: Hey Jerky, I got two questions - First is how come my chick who hates onions when I put them in anything I cook here at home and bitches for an hour if she finds one in the food, yet when we go out she orders onion rings with her burger? Question two - How come even after letting here read that anal sex page from last week she only lets me fuck her ass when shes drunk? Thanks! Signed: Keith in SB Dear Keith; The onion thing means she's a hypocrite. The booze-equals-buttsex thing means you've found the magic key that lets you into your special lady's coco kingdom. NEXT! *** **** *** OK Jerky; Here's a stumper for ya. Hippopotamically fat women always say they're curvy, and women who really are just nicely curved always think they're fat. Now, barring standard issue female insanity when it comes to appearance, there's one nagging question. What's up wit dat? Signed: A. Lissemore Dear Lissemore; You might as well stop worrying about it. Just remember this... you can't believe anything any woman says, ever. Every word that passes their lips is a lie or manipulation in the service of some cryptic and utterly irrational hidden agenda. Just nod and know your limits. *** **** *** Hey Jerky! Is man one of god's blunders or is god one of man's blunders? Signed: Gary Gnu Dear Gary; Yer old pal Jerky isn't a theologian, but he does know one thing: You're one of your mom's blunders! But I kid! I kid because I love!

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: PRETZEL LOGIC? Care of: Bluegrass Don Hey Jerky, I am curious about something concerning the U.S Liberation of Iraq. Are we now not in material breach of U.N. Resolution 1441? Seems to me that Bush and his cronies were very resolute in the wording of 1441, and used this very exacting wording as the case to go to war. In other words, 1441 was Bush’s international authority to invade Iraq. And now, due to the lack of cooperation with the U.N., namely, not wanting weapons inspectors back in, we are now in material breach of 1441, and may come under “serious consequences” ourselves, as this resolution is specifically worded. In reading the entire text of 1441, I could not discern in any part, the wording stating that Hussein must comply with this and that, only Iraq must comply with this and that. Seeing that the Bush administration, and the military are now supposedly in control of Iraq, it follows that America now represents Iraq, and “is” Iraq for all intents and purposes. So the refusal to allow weapons inspectors is a clear and flagrant material breach of 1441. Also, while our military is there, under 1441, we are required to list all WMD’s and ballistic missiles, including aircraft and unmanned aircraft, with a range beyond 93 miles, including those of our military. 1441 says nothing about the origin of such weapons, or ownership of such weapons, only it is illegal for Iraq to have such weapons within it‘s borders. How can America refute that we are, essentially, Iraq? We tell the world that we are the only authority in Iraq, and we will insure a government is set up in Iraq. All rebuilding contracts are going to American companies only, and the oil ministry is to be operated by Americans. We oversee the police, and all other authorities, even if we must arrest someone who claims to be mayor of Baghdad. This seems to indicate that our present administration has complete control, and full responsibility over Iraq, as this administration has so vehemently claimed so often recently. So, the Bush administration, and the coalition of the billing, are Iraq, for any realistic purposes. So it would seem, unless Bush and his cronies can either get 1441 rescinded, or show proof to the weapons inspectors and security council, with no omissions, of all WMD’s and other disallowed weapons have been destroyed within Iraq, which would now include our own weapons with a range of 93 miles or more. We, America, are an outlaw nation, presenting a threat to the region, to the world, and to ourselves. Ain’t that a bitch, hung by our own devices? Down in the Bluegrass, - Don [Haven't you heard? The U.N. is irrelevant. - Jerky]

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